The idea of loving yourself is a really big concept. And it's much easier said than done. I've always struggled myself with figuring out what the heck this means and how to achieve it. So let's talk about it.
Here is a deep dive into our Love Yo'Self design and the inspiration behind it.
The other month I listened to a mindbodygreen podcast with Kristin Neff, Ph.D. about self-compassion that expanded my understanding of what this big concept means. Here are some of my takeaways from Dr. Neff that I wanted to share with you all. 💕
- Self-compassion is not self focused or selfish. In fact, the more self-compassion you have, the less self focused you are.
- When you have self-compassion, you have more resources to give to others and you're less likely to burn out doing so.
- Self-criticism is not necessary for motivation. It can create performance anxiety and fear of failure. Self-compassion is more motivating than self-criticism because it's the motivation to care.
- Self-compassion helps to foster a growth mindset.
- Self-compassion is not self indulgence. Sometimes, it can be giving yourself a kick in the butt. You don't want to become complacent and, or give yourself too many breaks.
- Setting boundaries and saying no is a form of self-compassion.
- Self-compassion helps create grace when you do make a mistake or notice your flaws. You are only human, and it's okay
- Self-care can be limiting because it's more behavioral, like taking a bath, doing a face mask, etc. And, not everyone has the resources or time for these much talked about self care practices.
- We need emotional self-care, and that is more about how we talk to ourselves and express kindness to ourselves during a tough time.
In addition to the podcast, my 200-hour yoga teacher training furthered enhanced how I think about self-compassion. One activity in particular was a meditation in which we thought back to a difficult point in our lives and remembered what that time felt and looked like, and then we imagined ourselves as a kid. We then envisioned that kid version of ourselves standing in front of us having all of the worries and negative thoughts that characterized that difficult time. My yoga instructor then asked us to talk that kid version through the tough time. What would you say to that kid version of yourself who is suffering? Would you be as harsh and critical as you are or were? Would you being tell your kid self that you aren't good enough, you're a failure, or you aren't worthy? Hell no. You would uplift that kid version of yourself. You would tell him or her that they are strong, they are loved, and they are worthy. You would say everything will be okay. You would give them grace and compassion.
So, the next time you are being hard on yourself, I encourage you to think... How would you treat a friend who is feeling the way you do or going through the situation you're experiencing? How would you talk your kid self through this hard time?
Here are some other ways that I've found helpful in establishing self-love:
- F*** the comparisons. You are your own unique individual with your own needs, desires, goals, personality, and physical appearance. Everybody is on his or her own journey in life. Do not compare your beginning to someone else's middle. Do not compare your physical look to someone else who is built differently and comes from different genetics. Do not compare your exercise to someone else who enjoys different intensities or activities and has a different schedule that works for them. Do not compare how you deal with things or take care of yourself to how someone else does it because what works for them might not work for you. When you feel yourself starting to compare, redirect your attention. Remind yourself these foundational differences. Yes, we are all human. But we are all different, and that's what makes each one of us unique. What works for you works for you. You are right where you need to be, and you are becoming exactly who you are meant to be.
- Give yourself a compliment every day
- Write out a list of qualities that you love about yourself that go beyond the physical
- Write out a list of accomplishments or things you've done that make you feel proud, and remind yourself of those
- Choose one thing you can do every day that will make you feel good
- Give yourself grace
- Be mindful of who you surround yourself with and the boundaries you create with those people
- Let yourself make mistakes
- Forgive yourself
- Practice good self care and consistently doing good things for your body (aka, drinking enough water, getting restful sleep, and nourishing your body)
- Trust your gut. Do what you feel is right. You know yourself the best.
- Remind yourself that your own approval is all you need. At the end of the day, you're the only person that has to live in the body you're in right now. You're the one living this life. Yes, others are around you and there for you. But at the beginning and end of each day, you are with yourself, so you might as well try and find some love in there for yourself.
More self-compassion resources I enjoy:
